Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize