I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
