you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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