Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
