I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
