I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
