We won't sleep together?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
