You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
