I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
