All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
