Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All the doctor said was why
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
