Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
