We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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