What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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