I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do herpes really smell.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
