I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
