READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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