just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
