her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
