My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
