her vagine was all disorganized.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my shit smells like andre
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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