The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize