Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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