What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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