Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
