she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
