You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize