as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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