You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
