I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
