the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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