Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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