get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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