Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
