My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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