I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize