I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
