wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
