One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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