My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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