And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
be right there i have to get my cape
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
