she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
