Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
