Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
