i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
