i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize