every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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