i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
