No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Found the puke drawer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
