addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
