soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
