Swine flu. Run for my life!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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