she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
