I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
