had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
