Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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