Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
