You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
