OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
