so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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