Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
