On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The maid of honor just puked.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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