I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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