so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need a burrito and a hug.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
