I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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