why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
